full stop.

9 days ago everything i know came crashing down. put on the back burner on hold. i guess that sounds a bit dramatic but the severity of this temporary situation is starting to sink in now. i was driving my motorbike with my friend on the back when we turned the corner very slowly into the taxi stand so he could catch one back to his hotel. as we turned the corner my back tire went flat causing the bike to jump forward, and all of Eddy’s weight came down on me along with the bike at the same time. my knee completely twisted under the weight and upon trying to stand up my knee buckled and i knew. i’ve watched my brother go through 2 knee surgeries, and i just knew… that’s what he must’ve felt. 

it didn’t even really hurt when it happened. but when i tried to stand up and walk i felt a popping sound and my knee just giving way. it wasn’t stable and i couldn’t stand on it at all. i decided to go into the hospital right away. the doctor’s in Patong are idiots… they x rayed my knee and told me nothing was broken. then after wrapping it up they sent me on my way and told me to come back in 2 days. i couldn’t walk and had to beg them for crutches, they gave me one. one crutch? what do you do with one crutch? 

the next morning i went into Bangkok Phuket International Hospital to get the low down on what was really going on. the doctor was friendly and honest and told me i needed an MRI. great i thought, but i already kinda knew the results. i used my Thai insurance and it took 4 days for it to go through so I hung out at home for a week before I actually went in and got my MRI. this was 2 days ago. 

my friend Ian was nice enough to drive me to the hospital, and after our break for lunch he took me back to hear the results. as he dropped me off he said, “it’s judgement day” and i laughed but he couldn’t have been more right. the results were a fully torn ACL and a fully torn lateral meniscus along with a bone contusion or “fracture” on my knee. i was starting to be able to bear weight on it the day before but he told me because of the bone fracture i would have to stay off it or accept a cast. in this weather, i think the cast would be the most uncomfortable thing in the world so i whole heartedly promised to be a good girl and stop jumping around my house on one leg like Tiger on speed. i promised i would use my crutches. then out the door i went accepting my new fate.

with a 6 month recovery time post surgery and unable to drive my motorbike one legged, i accepted that the best place for me to go and recover would be home with my family. i was advised not to fly for a few more weeks and my visa happens to run out on the 20th. so i’m booking my flight back to Minnesota for the day. it has only started to sink in what i’m about to endure, and i have so much of my life to pack up and sort out before i leave. and i’m obviously not in the best condition to be taking care of all of this. 

my heart feels heavy and i’m beginning to feel like i’m constantly on the verge of tears. i’m going to miss my diving and Thailand. i know i’ll come back in October but that’s a ways away, and i have a lot of growing and healing to do before i make it back here. it’s only 6-8 months of my life, but it’s going to test my character, challenge me, and teach me to slow down. 

i was throwing around the idea of taking a low season off and heading back to Minnesota to live up north with my family for the summer. i haven’t lived there since I moved out just after turning 18. now i guess i have the opportunity to do just that. connect with myself and my roots again, gain a bit of strength and insight before moving on in the world, celebrate my 26th birthday living at home, like i did 8 years ago. maybe i need to go home, hug my parents and be humbled. they always bring me back to Earth.  

this has always been a travel blog really, but now it will switch to a recovery blog. i’ll keep everyone updated on my journey from beginning to end: the pre physio, surgery, recovery, first steps afterwards and all the milestones i cross in between. writing will help keep me sane and help me find strength in the words. 

if anyone is reading this, i want to thank all of you for the text messages, calls, facebook messages and emails i’ve received in the past 9 days. so many of my friends here have came by daily with food, cigarettes, water and beer or just simply to visit. i appreciate all of you so much. i didn’t realize i had so many friends that cared and i’m feeling like one BLESSED human right now. 

anyways, onward and upward. let the journey begin! 

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