don’t bottle it up or it’ll explode.

i’ve been saying i was going to write one of many entries for months, but all of the things i had to say became so significant that i couldn’t possibly justify all of them in only one entry. so i began dividing them, thinking on them, and organizing my thoughts in a way that i felt i could later reproduce my feelings and experiences in just the right way. but… the more you think, the harder it is to sum up all of the feelings. i’ve learned that the best way to write is when you feel inspired. in that moment only and with the words in your head at that very time. somehow instinct always has our best interests at heart.

my instinct is to share a part of my journey for the last 4 months. a lot of things have been happening, from my knee surgery and recovery, to being back in my hometown (a place i never dreamed of spending more than 3 days at a time in), to my newfound friendships in coworkers and old friends alike, my humbling moments all the way to the “bury your head in the sand right now” moments. they’re all a part of it, and i’ll get more particular later, but for now the only thing on my mind is my family. 

my family has been my rock since as long as i can remember. you know how people always throw around the terms, “perfect family”, “nuclear family”, “good upbringing” and “good parents”? well, i am and have all of those things. i always have. and i knew that, i’ve always know and always appreciated what i had, i was taught too. i’ve had a great support system and feel blessed going into my future knowing that; but coming home and being engulfed in this family for the last 6 months has been something that i have had no words for, until now… 

my emphasis, my growth and a huge chunk of what i’ll be leaving the States again with is my family, what it means to be a family, and what it means to be selfless. i’ve been working side by side with my father and brother every day. learning the ins and outs of a business i’ve never had anything to do with, a business that has built my future and shaped my life. a family business that my grandfather started in 1956 that remains in our family today. 1956… can you imagine? almost 60 years in my family with 3 generations working within the company. that’s something. something huge and something beyond me. there’s always something greater than yourself, and it’s so easy to forget this in a world that teaches us that everything is about US. 

my dad needed me and i signed on temporarily to help out. i never thought it would lead to an urge to contribute. because of this summer i have promised to come back next summer… because as i said earlier, my family needs me. i had and still have no idea what i can contribute to this company, but if my positivity daily is helping ease a work atmosphere of manly egos, then by all means, i’m doing “something”. and i’m learning, adapting, and growing per usual because when you get thrown into something you can either fight it or “grab the bull by the horns”, laugh at yourself a little, and be a sponge. 

that’s what i’ve learned this summer- to be a sponge. like a plant absorbing chlorophyll laying in the sun. if you absorb your surroundings, no matter how “unlike you”, how different or how obscure, you learn a bit more about yourself. 

the universe has a funny way of throwing you exactly where you didn’t want to be. i’m so glad i had the insight to grow from the experience instead of fighting it. the universe tends to have a way, you shouldn’t fight her… she’s teaching you something. 

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